Seasonal depression is real. Seasons bring about a different change in our perspectives, our will to live and our motivations. But in many places, seasons are predictable. You have the winter then the spring, summer/monsoon, fall and back to winter. But what happens when you have all the seasons in your city? The weather changes through all the seasons in just one week if not a day. It can affect your mood, your motivation, your sense of stability and also make you feel ungrounded. What can be done?
Coming to the UK has been dramatic for me. It has made me feel exhausted and in a continuous state of jet lag for 2.5 weeks now. I am cold, quickly went broke and I don’t know how to cook to save my life. It is not a flex! Take aways and travel have eaten a chunk of my income and then all the stuff I need for my house. I don’t want it, but I need it. And I hate buying things I need. It makes me feel like I am always chasing lack and fulfilling my basic needs because where is the dough to buy the things that I really want? I don’t want 10 containers for food storage and endless cutlery for the same or 10 different products for cleaning the house or even storage items for my room. But I need it. When you are cold, broke and don’t know how to cook and don’t want to order takeout the sixth day in the row; you become cold, broke and hungry. That makes you a bitter person and a cranky person and a person who hasn’t had their wants met.
Why are having our wants met more fun and engaging than having our needs met? Anyone can be there when you are sick, but who is actually there when you are not? Anyone can drop things and come in an emergency, but who is there when you just want to go for a coffee? I feel that needs stem from a sense of duty and urgency- “I need to have a working kitchen or else I will die”. But desires come from a sense of fulfilment- “I want to eat takeout even though it’s expensive because the food there is good”. Desires are about experiencing a slow life, whereas needs are more urgent in a way of having them met. Needs are fast paced and permanent- you will need a working kitchen to save money on food- and now. If you live in a state of need, that’s all your life will revolve around. I guess what I am trying to say is, it is difficult for me to jump from a space of needs to a space of wants. You need one of them sorted in order to move on to more frivolous desires.
But wants are also about convenience, they are about having a good quality of life and enjoying the little things. Wants are about having a good time amidst the chaos of everyday routines and schedules. The weather can really affect your motivations for having convenience. If it is raining, you will rethink your walk to the tube station and take a bus instead. Or just say fuck it, move out to a smaller town and drive a car to work. Isn’t that convenient? Everything you desire exists in your reality already. It is what you WANT more is what you will have. If you choose a hard life, hard life is going to choose you.
I am not going to sit here and say it gets easy because honestly? Idk. I don’t know if it just gets easy or you get used to it. We are adaptable beings, we adapt. And I don’t want to adapt to feeling cold, broke or hungry even though people do that (kudos to them), that’s not my reality. To create a life out of nothing into something you truly WANT, is what makes this whole journey magical. And yes, I have no option but to adapt to the weather changes but I will not adapt to being broke and hungry. That’s my choice, it’s in my control. And maybe there was a mismanagement and miscommunication of things and my wants got in the middle of my needs and I spent more on buying shoes and outfits which were clearly not high priority- but now I have learned the lesson and I thank it and I move on to the frequency of abundance. Everyone makes mistakes and my mistake was I mistook my move to a holiday- which it is not. It is not okay to spend as much as I did in 2.5 weeks. Don’t do that if you are moving out too. See you in my next one.