Ever wonder how some girls have so many female friends while you manage to keep one or two and when you finally have a new group, there is lying, backbiting and gossip among you? Your one good friend is probably your childhood friend who has learned to understand you while other girls are not that tolerant. But that one girl friend, your best friend, is your soulmate, she completes you and you don’t bother finding other girl friends because you are searching your connection with her in them (which you know you won’t ever be able to replicate). If that sounds familiar, keep reading.
Why is it so hard to make and keep genuine female friendships? Girls all are very similar in nature, we like friends and hanging out and makeup and skincare at the very least- some like clubbing, others prefer knitting, while others still like shopping and a few like sports and fitness. We are all varied creatures and have different interests… no one told you to find your carbon copy who has the same likes and preferences as you, and why should she? We celebrate differences and the acceptance of that is what makes us love girls and seek out female companionship. Because we understand, empathise, relate with each other.
But if you’re having trouble with that, perhaps I can help. Everyone is a mirror of each other. You find people who are a reflection of you- the good, bad and ugly. If you fail to keep female friends because they indulge in games and gossip, perhaps, a part of you is in energetic alignment with that energy: like attracts like. You don’t want to be in that lower vibrational space, work on healing yourself. Find out which feminine wound needs healing. Perhaps you are the type to say ‘I’m comfortable around men, they don’t judge and gossip’-Because you had someone who judged and gossiped with you or about you, you felt hurt and betrayed and thus closed yourself to prevent someone from doing that again. You became rough and callous with your interactions, you became protective of your heart. Or you are a pink hater and everyone who loves pink along with it- maybe because you were ridiculed and made fun of for expressing yourself in your art, your dressing or your day-to-day life.
First find out where are these wounds coming from. Men who you tried to impress or women who laughed at you for not being like them? If it’s male validation, ask yourself why? Why do you not want to be like other girls? How, by doing the opposite, you feel like you stand out and get ‘chosen’. Why do you want to be chosen when you have the power to choose? As the saying goes, ‘never chase, always attract’. The right man will find you unique and different for being you, even if you like makeup and even if you like watching 2000s romcoms and even if you like pink. Yes, because he will find your unwavering defiance to be yourself in the face of trends and cores. Be your authentic self and you will find someone who will be just as authentic with you. You deserve it.
Now, if the wound comes from other women not accepting you and therefore you rejected femininity to not want them anyway, I want to tell you, they don’t represent all of us. They were just a bunch of clique-ish bullies who wanted to make you feel excluded from their private group of girly business because well, they were mean and unevolved. But you are evolving to being a better version of yourself, so you know that they and people like them don’t matter in your search for being your true authentic self and finding people who align with that goal. Let them go. Heal.
Now assuming you have healed from your wounds and are still interested in finding and keeping female friends, here is a quick list of what to do:
1) Be confident in your interactions. People smell fear and insecurity from a mile away and therefore avoid it at all costs. Being confident makes you more approachable.
2) Be friendly. Compliment someone sincerely if they look nice or did something nice. Don’t go overboard
3) Help girls. If you see a girl in danger or she has lipstick stuck on her teeth, go help/tell her. Even if you don’t know her and even if she’s with her friends or boyfriend. Help. Her.
The list is short and sweet and kind of ambiguous because I am not explicitly telling you what to do in order to grab friends from a market lol, but to send out an energetic message to God that look, I have healed and I want friends, please help me align with like-minded people so that we can be friends. You don’t be friendly or help someone with the sole intention of making them your friend, no, it’s the energy you put out that will help you attract people like you, by God. You got this!